Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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