I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
