i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
