She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize