I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
