I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
