Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
