mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize