If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
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We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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