So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
