i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
