I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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