I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
