once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
