she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
