Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
