I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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