i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
