1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
