im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize