the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
