So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
