in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
