Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
