Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
