how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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