i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
