12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
