I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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