lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
