AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I've blown a few things in my day
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
