it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
