well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
