I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
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