he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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