I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
