You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
