even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
