My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize
