Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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