I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
