my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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