Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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