Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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