Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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