Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
