Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
