Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
