I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
false alarm, still single
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
