i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
