The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
