What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
