I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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