the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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