I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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