It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
