Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
