I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
