Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Randomize
