Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
