It's just like the Real World with babies
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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