I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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