new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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