5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
