You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
