That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
